Stimpy, are you sleep pee?
by IsaacHayessoulgirl
Summary: Stimpy's got a little nighttime issue- can he fix it before Ren gives him the boot?
1. a typical nightly routine

**Stimpy, are you feeling Sleep Pee?**

(A.N.): Well, here we go! My first ever published fan fic.! Once again, my name's Jesikuh, and I love writ-ing fan fiction for my friends! If I don't do well this time, please keep in mind that I'm only fifteen and am too young to take an advanced novelist class. Well, I hope I can capture the friendship, humor and over all weirdness of the show! But if not, PLEASE no flames and no use of the word 'retarded' in the review! Please enjoy!

**Chapter 1: A Typical Nightly Routine**

Ren, who was exhausted, waited impatiently for Stimpy to get out of the bathroom from his nightly hygienic routine. "Eef yer gonna be that loud, will ya at least shut the door? I've got work tomorrow ." "What would I do that for?" Stimpy answered, a mouth full of toothpaste. "I'm only gonna be another minute." "Pfft! You've only been saying that for a half hour." "I heard that, Ren!" "And just what do you plan to do about it?" Ren challenged, a smirk crossing his face. "Give you a hug fer being the best pal ever!" He skipped into the room and glomped him. "Ah! Get off of me, you eediot! Yer getting toothpaste all over my peellow!" Stimpy suddenly backed up. "Are you okay?" Ren said suspiciously. No answer. "Steempy?" "HWARF!" Stimpy hacked hairballs all over him. "Grrr!" Ren's face turned red. Stimpy blushed. "Um… excuse me?" "Steempy…" "Whoops! After hacking hairballs all over you, I need to brush my teeth again to prevent cavities!" Ren, face red as a beet, grabbed Stimpy by his non-existing neck. "Go… to… _SLEEP!" _ "Sleeping!" That night, Stimpy had a dream that he was really short and in a classroom. "Teacher, I hafta go potty!" "Well, can you recite the alphabet for me first?" "Okay." The entire time he spoke hesitantly. "A… b… c… d… e… f… g… h… I… j... k… l… m… n.. o… " Now he spoke normally. "…Q r s, t u v, w x y and z!" He said triumphantly. "No, no! Where's that missing letter?" That usual dumb, blissed out, tongue-out-of-the mouth smile crossed his face. "Drizzling down my legs." "Uh-oh!" Stimpy woke up. "What's wrong, pal?" Ren yawned. "Oh no! My enuresis is back!" "What the hell are you talking about?" "Ren…" He took a deep breath, bit his lower lip, and sheepishly said, "I wet the bed." "WHAT?" He leaped out of the bed as if the Irken Armada were under his pillow.  
>"You seeck leetle monkey!" "Well, gosh, Ren, I didn't expect it! I haven't had this problem fer three years! Besides, it's not my fault! A dream triggered it!" "Let me guess… eet was something cliché like you were sweeming and you felt a warm spot and woke up weeth pee everywhere." "No… it was actually a flashback from ninth grade."<p>

(A/N): Ok, I'm sorry if you find this tasteless, but PLEASE no flames! I'm only trying to stick to the weirdness of the show! And yes, I love them as a couple, so in the next fan fic. They'll be a couple. ;D


	2. Is it moist in here, or is it Stimpy?

Chapter 2: Is it Moist in Here, or is it Stimpy?

The next night, Stimpy came out of the bathroom, a weird object in his hand. Ren squinted. "Ees that a pregnancy test? You eediot, I already told you to stop wasting our money! You don't have a freakin' uterus! And furthermore…" "It's not a pregnancy test, Ren! It's nasal spray." "What the heck do you need that for?" "Glad you asked, Ren." "Oh, boy. I just know I'm gonna regret this." "The air from the nasal spray decreases the amount of liquid your body produces, including- well, anyway, It'll fix my little problem." "Pfft! Leettle! That puddle last night was the size 'a freakin' Texas!" "Please don't tell anybody, Ren!" He cried. "Well, styoopid, I hate to burst yer eediotic bubble, but your wheez doesn't come up in everyday conversation. Een fact, I try to theenk of you as leettle as possible at work." "And that's why yer my best pal, Ren!" He announced optimistically. "Why?" He said flatly. "'Cuz you can keep a secret!" He gushed, hugging him. Ren pushed him off. "Alright, alright! Enough of thees mushy crap. I'm tired. Now be a good eediot and DON'T PEE THE BED!" "Duh, don't worry, Ren! This nasal spray is gonna work like a charm!" "Eef eet doesn't, I swear to God we're getting separate beds." Stimpy bit his lip. The sun rose slowly the next morning. "Oh, joy!" He leaped onto his feet. "What the?...'' There was a wet spot on the bed. He bit his nails. "Did I say 'oh joy?' What I meant was- oh, no!" He freaked out. "Uh… um… maybe I can clean it before Ren wakes up!" But it was too late. "Uh... gosh, Ren, yer up early!" He said nicely but anxiously, sweating. "Yeah, I was really thirsty. What the hell are you so freaked about?" He began to roll to the other side of the bed. "Why are you going out my side?" "Because eet's closer to the door," He said oddly. "Get outta bed on your side, not my side, please!" "Look, I dunno what the hell yer problem ees, but- oh, my god! You EEDIOT!" Stimpy backed away while Ren stomped towards him with bared teeth like when he came home from work in the Sven Hoek episode. "Now Ren, please don't be angry!" "Angry?" He said in his soft psychotic voice. "I'm not angry. Why would I be angry?" "So yer not? Phew! What a relief!" "Nope. No sir. Not angry een the least. I'M FUCKIN' PEESSED!" He screamed so loud that Stimpy's fur blew back. "But-but it's not my fault!" He stuttered back. "P-please don' make me sleep outside! I've got two more remedies! Pleeeaaase?" He batted his eyelashes that randomly existed. "Hmm. Okay. But keep een mind that I'll put a child block on Stomparoo eef these 'remedies' don't work!" Stimpy gulped. Later that day, Ren was watching TV. "Hey, dumbass, get me a beer, will ya?" "Duh, sorry, Ren, but I gotta get to work in the lab!" "What tomfoolery are you performing now?" He sighed. "Well, Ren, ya know those machines that have an alarm that goes off every time you urinate?" "No." "Oh. Well, you'll see tonight. " Later that evening… Ren came out of the bathroom, yawning. "Goo'night, St- WHAT THE HELL EES THAT?" He jumped about three feet in the air. "Ren… it's just that bedwetting alarm I invented!" "Oh, yeah. Well, how does thees theeng work, anyway?" "Well, first I adjust this strap on my groin, and when I start, um… doing my business, it'll set off an alarm, wake me up, and I make it to the bathroom! And look, instead of a regular alarm, I added a Muddy Mudskipper voice box! Obser-ruv." He pressed a button, and wouldn't ya know it, Muddy, lovely, cigar-ridden voice shouted, "Ya lousy bum! Stop pissin' on the sheets!" "How delightful," Ren said flatly. "Wait, isn't that gonna wake me up?" "Ren, would'jou rather get woken up briefly or find sprinkle on the sheets in the morning?" Ren sighed. "Carry on." "Good-night, Ren," He said in his friendly and happy voice. "Goodnight, pal," He yawned softly.

The next lovely morning, Stimpy rose up from his pillow with Morning playing. "Gosh, it sure is warm today!" He raised an eyebrow. "…And wet. Oh, my! How could this have happened?" He began to sweat heavily and bite his nails. "Maybe I can clean the sheets before Ren wakes up… uh, again. Let's try again!" But an alarm clock went off, and Ren yawned. "Oh no, that's right! Ren has work today!" "Ew... OH MY GOD, I'M LAYING EEN MY BEST FRIEND'S PEE! STEEMPY!"Stimpy shut his eyes tight with fear. "Oh, boy." Ren grabbed him by his nonexistent neck... again. He had that psychotic look in his eyes, which were blood shot and bugging out like the end of Stimpy's Invention. "Geeve me one good reason why I shouldn't go to the vet and have you neutered!" Stimpy gently removed Ren's hand from his non-existing neck. "Because that won't prove anything." He said confidently, although he was shaking with fear. "And I wouldn't do that to you! Besides…" He pinched Ren's cheek like he was a grandma. "I remember a certain someone who had the same problem 3 years ago and literally paid me not to tell anyone." Ren gasped and jumped away. He pointed like he was the evil monkey hiding in Chris's closet. "You swore you'd never speak of that!" "No I didn't. You kissed my feet and cried and begged me not to tell anyone, not even yer parents!" Ren now just had that deadpan look on his face. "Shuttup." "Oh, Ren, I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to! I wouldn't do anything to hurt you!" He hugged him. "You're the best!" "Hey, hey, hey! Get yer pee infested-self offa me! Now go take a shower and wash the sheets!" Stimpy sighed. "Okay." And he walked into the bathroom with his head hanging and his cheeks pink.

That night… Stimpy crawled into bed the next night. "Goodnight, R-" "Hey, where's yer 'remedy?' 'Cuz yer not getting' bed these easy! And I'm so annoyed that I'm gonna ignore the fact that I just made a sexual remark!" "Relax, Ren! I'm wearing a pull up!" "Oh, okay. But remember- eef thees doesn't work, BLOCKY BLOCK BLOCKY! Say bye-bye to yer styoopid baby show!" He laughed like a psycho. "Ren, I'm sleepy. Please save yer craziness fer tomorrow, 'kay? Goo'night." A fair amount of hours later… "Hey, jackass, WAKE UP!" "Wha- Ren? What's up?" "I'll geeve you a hint- the Urine Fairy flew through the window and banged yer bladder like a freaking gong!" "But-but- how did this happen?" "How the hell would I know? Now a shower and get ready to go out! We're gonna get to the bottom of thees. Ha! Bottom. Bodily humor."


	3. FINAL CHAPTER!

Chapter 3: FINAL CHAPTER

(A.N.: Well, here's the final chapter! REALLY hope it was good and made you laugh! If so, you'll like the next one! Not giving you any clues, but I will tell you they'll be a couple!)

Later that afternoon… They were in the car, Ren driving like a maniac. "Duh, where're we goin', Ren?" "Ah! We're here at last!" Stimpy gulped and began to shake uncontrollably. "Th-the vet? REN, I DON'T WANNA BE NEUTERED! PLEASE!" "Huh? Oh, sorry, I was pointing to that place." "Ur-ol- o-gest. You're all a just? What are we all just, Ren?" He asked, shrugging. "No, styoopid! Urologist! It means we're gonna feex yer leetle problem!" "What, that rash on my butt?" Ren smacked his forehead and dragged it down his face. "I mean the bedwetting! Eet's gotta stop!" They got out of the car. "Duh, gosh, Ren, I'm awful flattered you care so much about my health!" "Pfft! Are you nuts? I don't geeve a crap about'cher health! I just don't anyone finding out I sleep weeth a bed wetter who makes me angry enough to keep missing my sexual eenduendos! I couldn't care less about you going into kidney failure!" Tears filled Stimpy's eyes. "But I don't wanna humiliate you or anyth-" "SHUTTUP! I don't wanna hear anything out of your leeps until you have a cure!" Stimpy walked into the building without another word or smile. They were now in the waiting room. There was a woman and her crying baby standing in front of the counter signing in. The secretary got angry with the baby's crying and threw it like someone would do in Invader Zim. When the woman ran to get her baby, Stimpy stood up. "And where the hell do you theenk you're going?" Ren questioned, not looking up from his magazine. "Signing in," Stimpy answered, still without emotion. "Oh-ho-ho no! I'll be doing that! You can't even make a freakin' sandwich!" Without another remark or question, Stimpy sat down. When Ren wasn't looking Stimpy blinked back more tears. After Ren signed in, He looked back at his emotionless friend and sat next to him. "Look, Steempy, I deedn't really mean what I said-" "Stimpson J. Cat?" A nurse poked her head out the door. "Dr. Cobb will see you now." Stimpy got up and walked with the nurse. Ren smiled optimistically. "Hey, good luck, pal!" But the door had already shut. Ren sighed and looked as if he was about ready to cry himself. "There you are, darling. Sit here. The doctor'll be here in a minute." She wrote something on a piece of paper and gave it to him "Um… what's this?" "My number." She winked, and before she walked out she said, "Call me." Stimpy twiddled his thumbs while he waited, too innocent to know what had just happened. Finally, the doctor came in. "Wilbur Cobb?" "That's my name, don't over-wear it. Heh heh heh." He put on some rubber gloves. "Okay, missy, when was your last menstrual cycle?" "Oh, Doctor, I've tried every remedy I know to stop my bed wetting! Nasal spray, pull ups, alarms! Nothing's working!" He cried, completely ignoring that statement. "Well, sweetie, that's all I know. But take these birth control pills to control that wild and crazy uterus." He handed him a prescription. "Shouldn't you prescribe that to my local pharmacy?" "Nah. I'm too busy." Stimpy raised an eyebrow. "But that's illegal-" "If I can make a suggestion, I'll say not to let anyone know or else the buffaloes are gonna hire Katy Perry to stare at you through a telescope! Buh-bye now!" "But-but-" Wilbur Cobb had already left. Stimpy walked out into the waiting room. "Well?" Ren said, trying to be friendly. " "Nothing. Sign me out." As they left the building, Stimpy walked so fast Ren had a difficult time keeping up with him. "Wait up, buddy!" He called. "Why're you walking so queekly?" "Because I'm walking home, Ren." "Look, I'm sor-" Stimpy had already started running. "Man, I really suck weeth timing! Gotta work on that." For the rest of the day, Stimpy was completely deadpan up until he was ready to go to bed. "I can't do thees!" Ren suddenly burst into tears. "Ren, what's wrong?" Stimpy rushed out of the bathroom. He hopped onto the bed and hugged Ren, patting his back frantically to calm him. "I-I can't stand to see you like thees, chum!" (2 Stupid Dogs reference!) "Look, Steempy, I have a confession to make. I've been wetting the bed! Eet's my enuresis that's back, not yours!" He calmed down a little bit and backed away from Stimpy. "You can make me sleep een the yard now. I don't blame the fact that you're ashamed. Go ahead and laugh." "Ren, I'm surprised at you!" Stimpy put his hands on his hips. "I'd never make fun of you! And that explains why I keep waking up on the opposite side of the bed. Anyway, it's nothing to be ashamed of!" Ren wiped his nose with his sleeve and sniffled. "Really?" "Of course! And I won't tell anybody." Ren smiled and wiped a tear. "Well, actually, eet was you the first time. So… we both have en-en-" "Enuresis." Stimpy smiled and hugged him again. "We both dealt with it three years ago, and we can handle it again!" "I'm so sorry about the way I treated you! I feel awful! I just deedn't want you to know eet was me. I thought you wouldn't respect me anymore, but now I'm thrilled you don't!" "Of course not! And I forgive you." He handed him a container. "We'll start you off with some nasal spray." "Thanks, pal!" He sprayed. "Wait- why ees thees container already opened? And already covered eend snot and cat hair?" He began to gag. "Ees thees the same nasal spray you used the other night?" "It sure is." Stimpy said triumphantly. "AGH! YOU DISGUSTING, BLOATED, STYOOPID EEDIOT!" He slapped him so hard that his body twisted like in the episode The Boy who Cried Rat. "Aw, I love you too, pal!" Ren projectile vomited everywhere. "What a pal!" Stimpy sighed dreamily.


End file.
